fuck buddies. It starts off as being the best pseudo relationship ever, because it’s really not a real relationship to begin with. “You think I’m hot, I think you’re hot, so let’s get it on.” It’s that simple. The number one rule to follow is to keep it casual. However, why should there be rules to follow anyway? The reason behind this is because some people just don’t get the dynamics of being fuck buddies. To help our more unfortunate brethren who are in search for sex sans strings, here are our rules of engagement.
1. Both parties should lay all their cards on the table and be totally honest with their intentions from the get go. Failure to stay true to their word is subject for dismissal.
2. Both parties shall bolster their honest words with actions that are in line with the initial arrangement. Actions indicating otherwise will lead to a breach in verbal contract.
3. If one party gets attached, it is their responsibility to tell the other. Silence will be understood as compliance.
4. Both parties shall keep sending text messages to a minimum. Each text message exchange can be flirtatious, but should be bereft of romanticism and flowery or sweet words.
5. Daily rendezvous and meet ups are strictly prohibited. Hanging out in groups on a weekly basis is encouraged.
6. Do not, under any circumstances, invite her to your place to cook meals for her, give her back rubs or do anything else a boyfriend would do.
7. Refrain from planning. All plans shall be made in the moment and should be for the next hour. Any plans made beyond that shall be considered a date, therefore voiding your status of being fuck buddies.
8. There shall be no formal introductions to each other’s families. Chance encounters shall be dealt with improvisation, during which you refer to each other as colleagues, and then end with the party whose family is not there to leave and meet up with their better half. Any sort of physical contact is not allowed during this encounter.
9. If one party falls ill, the other shall keep away and check in from remote locations once standard time of infection has elapsed.
10. Always hold on to the impression that the other party is seeing, dating, or hooking up with other parties regardless if it is not the case. If another party intends to hook up with your fellow fuck buddy, by all means support it or opt out and look for another hook up for the night.
11. You shall not cuddle or spoon after doing the deed. Once you have claimed all the benefits, roll over to the other side and fall asleep without unnecessarily touching your fellow fuck buddy.
Always keep these rules in mind and you should be alright. But, of course, you should not be overthinking about this. If you are, then it’s time to bail.